Longhorn in Paradise

Yes...now that I am quite certain that noone is checking in on this blog anymore, I can actually write in peace! Its nice to have a place that I can just come and share my thoughts with myself and not worry about any pervs peeping in on my deepest, darkest thoughts. mmm hmmm. That's what I'm talking about.

So, it has been a year since I last posted...almost to the day...you think that is a coincidence? I don't. It is 2:54am in Houston and I am still awake. I can't sleep...you want to know why I can't sleep? No? Ok. forget it then. I didn't want to tell you anyway. So there.

So, I have been fighting my need to not sleep by listening to some of my favorite music...unfortunately, all my favorite music reminds me of Cali and thinking of Cali makes me think of Blakely Place and thinking of Blakely Place makes me think of the Browns and thinking of the Browns makes me VERY homesick. :-( Homesick? you say...Cali is not really your home...you were born in Michigan, lived there for 10 years....moved to Texas and lived there for 20 some years and only lived in Cali for a couple years....how in the world could you be homesick about a place that only occupied a couple years of your life??? Well, that is a stupid ass question if you ask me....Haven't you ever heard the saying "home is where the heart is"? Well, my heart is in Los Angeles, CA...specifically in the SCV. So much shit going on in my life right now that would be made much better if I could walk down the street to Greg's garage, grab a cold natty, pick up my sticks and just jam...shoot the shit...throw darts...watch Rolling Stones videos...chip golf balls...whatever. That is the shit that keeps you sane. Keeps you on the up and up. Prevents you from staying up until 3am listening to Neko Case and The Cure and Semisonic...ALL a big mistake...Neko Case, of course, reminds me of the Browns...Semisonic sings the song California that makes me miss home that much more...and listening to the Cure sing Disintegration is just something I do when I am freakin' depressed...yikes!! Well, quite a few things to be depressed about these days...work is challenging...My marriage is on life support...I miss my kids every day I am on the road....and there is no end in sight to the travelling gig. So, gots to keep on keepin on. I'm seriously considering playing the lottery on a weekly basis...sounds reasonable, right? Anything to change my life for the better.

On a positive note, I have finally come to an end in my spiritual journey and have accepted Jesus Christ into my heart. It has been an amazing experience as He has blessed me time and time again over the past few months. For that I am grateful...and He is certainly a rock in these low times for me...So many people came into my life in the past 12 months that led me to Jesus and I am so thankful for all of them. I'm doing my best to live my life in the way I think He would want me to...I trust that he is guiding me and giving me strength. I hope that is enough. Wow...that is really taking the "positive note" down a few octaves, eh? :-) Sorry.

Well, so nice to be back...glad noone is here to listen to my ramblings...it allows me to be even ramblier...which is truly how I roll.

OK...will listen to disintegration one more time...now that I know that I'm breaking to pieces...I'll pull out my heart and I'll feed it to anyone...crying for sympathy, crocodiles cry for the love of the crowd and, three cheers from everyone...dropping through sky through the glass of the roof through the roof of your mouth, through the mouth of your eye, through the eye of the needle, its easier for me to get closer to heaven then ever feel whole again......

Much love to all!

jak