Longhorn in Paradise

Some of you may wonder what in the world that post title is all about. Is Jason secluding himself in a closet and not coming out until his son arrives? Is he dealing with some other issues regarding his sexual identity? What gives? Quite frankly, I wish you would all just mind your own business. OH wait. I am the one writing this. Noone is making me I suppose. Though the masses push and I am but one man who must succumb to the pressure. Such is the life of a world-famous blogger. As a side note, for those of you who haven't noticed the Snoopy/Sopwith Camel style of my writing, now you know my inspiration.

Anywho...where was I? Oh yeah. The reason I titled my blog how I did is that I know firsthand how people can see, read or hear things and automatically jump to the wrong conclusions. I am reminded of the time my brother called me and said "Guess What?" Now, as a further, utterly annoying aside, if this was Kat who my brother posed this question to, the answer, invariably, would be "Chicken Butt". Kat has determined that any general interrogatory should be met with a response such as this. Here is an abridged version of Kat's pat responses:

"What" "Chicken Butt"
"Where" "Chicken Hair"
"Why" "Chicken Thigh"
"Who" "Chicken Pooh"

So, my brother calls me and says "Guess What?". I respond like a normal human being with a question of my own "what?". He says "I got a cat!". Well, as soon as I heard that I knew the most important thing to do was to stay positive and be supportive. "Brian, I am so honored that you chose to come out of the closet to me...I can't imagine how much courage this must take." He acted confused and immediately changed the subject. But, truly, would a straight guy buy a cat? I mean, if a girlfriend had one, you might refrain from making her give it away to her sister. Or, in rare occasions, you might become attached to it and think of it as a very small dog. But, to voluntarily go out, choose a cat and then pay money for it? I think you know where I am going with this. Well, I must admit that since then he has been making a show of dating NUMEROUS women and even getting engaged. So, as it turns out, Brian is NOT gay. Although, that does remind me of another story...you see, Brian's dad's name is Gaylon and he goes by Gay. At my sisters wedding, one of my mom's niece (Heidi) comes up to Brian from behind and says "hi". Brian turned around and, in a case of mistaken identity (or was it?), Heidi says "Oh, I thought you were Gay/gay". Well, that planted the seed for me and most likely led to my immediate assumption that a guy who was once accused of being gay by a close relative and had now purchased a cat was, well, gay.

Wow. What is the freakin' point of this post? That I write like a chipmunk on acid? I suppose that could be it. Which reminds me of another story....just kidding.

OK. The moral of the story is this....the acronym for my site is LIP. This seems rather effeminate for a guy's blog don't you think? So, in case anyone discovered that, let it be known that I did not mean for that to be some subliminal "coming out of the closet" message. But, the sad fact of all this is that my fear of people coming to that conclusion makes it impossible for me to do an American Idol post like I would like to. To say I would love to see Taylor win, but I think whether Chris wins or not, he will be the most successful American Idol ever...and that Katherine McPhee is the most likely candidate to overdose on drugs at least once in her music career. And, that one outfit that Paris wore made her look like the Penguin from Batman and Robin. I can't say any of that because then it is corroborating evidence..."oh, the LIP thing might have been an accident, but now he is talking about American Idol? Please. He is so Femme!" Not that there is anything wrong with that.

So, I am going to do another post right now to update everyone on Galt's arrival. If you made it through this one, god love ya. I had fun writing it though. :-)